Monday, September 29, 2008

Hormel v. PETA

Now, i consider myself an animal lover just as much as the next guy (preferably medium rare and well seasoned), but beyond the realm of satirical humor the following is as far from funny as can be. A recent investigation by PETA revels very disturbing and downright perverse actions on the part of pig farm workers that are suppliers for Hormel, the biggest name in pork since Wilber. Now, everyone knows that a slaughterhouse is no picnic for the main ingredient in that #4 combo you bought at the drive-thru window recently, but if you don't wanna lose your stomach (as I almost did) I encourage you NOT to click the below link. These are some sadistic and vile people and I hope the entire industry gets a look at and violators of such actions are held accountable.
Now, I doubt Hormel has adequate knowledge about these actions, and if this video gains enough press - they'll disavow all involvement, cancel the supplier, and make some donation to save face.

PETA PIG FARM VIDEO - viewer discretion is advised

Sunday, September 14, 2008

The 7 a.m. Blues

The night was sultry. A vulnerable Grayson has just been possessed by a demonic force that forces him to log into BYU and sign up for classes far too early for any normal Adams to endure. With a swift click of the mouse his victim's fate is sealed. Now for 4 months the wretched youth shall be bound the bugling call of the angel of death, a small alarm clock, with beady red numbers and the cry of a banshee descended from the line of the eternally annoying Fran Drescher.
Woe to this student of sorrow!!!!!!

Yes, it helps me find a parking space before all the other clones have even had a chance at stumbling out their front doors, but getting to school at 6:45?!?! Jeez louise; it's murder, I tell ya.

My Secret? Clear and Clear Morning Burst Face "Stuff".

Perks you right up, well -
sort of.

Step 1: Manage to get in shower without opening eyes
Step 2: Grope around for the right bottle of "stuff"
Step 3: Lather Face and inhale like you're Rick James at an 80s coke party
Step 4: Stand under cascading steaming water until motor skills become fully functional (approximately 15min)